Litany of The Mother in Law

You are the very reason for my wife

For many of her little comical strives

For the storms she stirs in many a teacup

All of which break with her angry hiccups

Thou thought my wife to cook the daily bread

Which everyday to eat I certainly dread

Of concoctions and fricassee she calls dishes

Like a bride she still cooks, far from my wishes.

Thou art the shepherdess who guide by advice

On all matters of wealth health and imagined vice

Thou art the reason my wife thinks I am in Venice

When stuck am I , with chores in the office!

Thou came in, free as an added package

When your daughters hand, I took, in marriage

Your were to be wise in between your ears

To dispel our jitters and newly wedded fears

Dispel you did, my imaginations of congenial bliss

You doubted, everything, even my little nephews kiss

Before I could guess what in the world was going on

My wife was ready with her right foot’s slip on!

The reason of the wife’s sudden liking of lime

That parents we would be in due course of time

Of expertise you bragged in that art of baby-sitting

Learned you were to be, nappies, bawling and bed wetting

Of myths of baby world you told us far too many

Of rocking empty cradles and the feeding bottle tyranny

Cautious, you told, we’d have to be of the evil eye

For baby world was a space where devils would fly!

My babies (may their tribe increase) have proved you wrong

With their frequent bawling, soiling and crying for long

For novices we are in nappy changes and baby care

To wake up a sleeping bay we wouldn’t dare!

God couldn’t be everywhere so he made mothers

For some special reason, like you he made others

The purpose of this divine intent we will never know

Unless the divine will upon us He will bestow.

What is in a Name?

What is in a name ? I have heard and read this phrase ad-nauseum. I had never really bothered about it until it was my turn to sincerely ponder. The occasion being, that blessed with two adorable, bawling bundles of joy , I had to name them. And name them We (Me and Shilpa, the wife) definitely did .

When I was a kid I never liked my name very much. Simply because there were many other guys, cute and handsome, who had fancier names, who were always at the receiving end of hugs and affection from all the teachers. There was this guy called Kedar, and another called Jayasimha, followed by boys with names like Jayant, Vijay, and even Jitendra who were always at the forefront when it came to getting the hugs and kisses. But then there were people like me, Nagesh (that’s my name) who were in the forefront for a different kind of affection, which is usually expressed with a strong Navratilova like forearm landing resolutely on your unlucky cheek. Sometimes the affection used to be expressed with a wooden ruler landing on its thinner edge on my knuckles.

But times have changed now. With the advent of Micheal Jackson and his wont to be with kids ( May his soul rest in Peace) such affectionate display of hugs and kisses with kids have disappeared . Totally. So has the Knuckle rapping. Do you ever see a wooden ruler these days? With environmentalists crying themselves hoarse on the trees being cut for this purpose , the Bio degradable Wood in the Ruler has vanished only to be replaced with non bio degradable plastic! Quot Erat Demonstratum , I mused!

That’s besides the point. The issue here being as to what is in a name? As I grew older I still kept missing the kisses , though the givers were no longer beautiful teachers but people of the fairer gender . In college everyone was going “steady” with somebody or the other but I seemed to be going nowhere. Let me assure you that all of them ( who were going “steady”) had fancy names , and none had a plain Jane name like mine. The only difference being that I no longer hated my name , but I was proud of it , having pushed my ego thoroughly behind the only un removable asset that I had. You guessed it ! My Name !

So when the opportunity finally came , I was determined to give my kids a name which they would probably like. I even asked for suggestions as the internet was remarkably not helpful. My colleague and even her sister from up north pitched in with a lot of names. Here is my daughter, with an unpredictable temperament, extremely moody, with an uncontrollable inconsolable bawling, who steadfastly refuses to suckle, a temperament quite like our River Ganga. Hence I decided to call her Jhanavi. As far as my son is concerned, He is very calm , content, suckles with ease, has a mysterious benign smile at times & easily consoled . Since My daughter (senior in birth by a minute) was to be Jhanavi after river Ganga I thought Kedar ( Lord Shiva who controls the Ganga) was an apt name for my son.

I had an online poll conducted amongst my brother, sister, Sister in laws & Brother in law. I told them with an air of authority that I had the Veto Power! Kedar and Jhanavi emerged clear winners. I was sitting quite smug at my own achievement .But My wife had other ideas. She did not like Kedar she said. Too old fashioned it was it seems. She did not care too much for the meaning behind the names . She wanted a Modern name. Hence the other name which she was after . Suhas, meaning laughter. Our son has a benign smile so let us name him Suhas she said. So Suhas it was . So we have Suhas and Jhanavi in our midst!

I thought that finally it was over . But it was not to be . Just not to be! As I was trying to relax , there came a barrage of questions from our relatives who had gathered for the naming ceremony! Suhas and Jhanavi??? They don’t even rhyme, was the common whine….Here we go again, I thought. Your cannot satisfy everybody. After all what is in a Name?